On September 4, I was one of the many eager Hollow Knight fans who hastily opened up every gaming storefront to experience the moment when the ludicrously long wait for Hollow Knight: Silksong finally ended. Like everyone else, I experienced the crashing of these storefronts, but eventually, to my delight, I managed to install Silksong on my Nintendo Switch 2.
I’ve barely touched the game since.
More than three weeks after its noteworthy launch, my progress in the game is significantly behind that of my friends and peers. Some have already rolled credits, and lengthy, spoiler-tagged conversations about Silksong on Discord read like classified CIA documents. Meanwhile, I’ve only just defeated the Bell Beast, an important but fairly early boss that you encounter in the story’s first hour.
It’s a common occurrence for me to download the newest, hottest video game, only to briefly tinker around with it before moving on to something else. Over the years, it’s been challenging to pinpoint why this is. And while there’s surely a number of different factors that contribute to this, I eventually realized what was behind this block with Silksong: I’m afraid to play it.
I’m not scared of the game itself or its content–while there are some gnarly and unsettling sights in the world of Hollow Knight, it’s not a particularly scary game. Rather, I’m afraid of getting lost. I’m afraid of the uncertainties ahead as I progress through the labyrinths of Pharloom and the indecision that comes with each split path. I’m afraid of not knowing where the next bench will be as I stray farther away from a safe haven–as the probability of dying suddenly and losing my rosaries increases.
This is a phenomenon I often experience with metroidvanias–one in which fear and apprehension overcome logic as I reach areas that I perceive to be dead ends, leading me to abandon that playthrough for an extended period. Yet, this all seems to contradict the fact that the metroidvania is one of my favorite genres of video games. From Ori and the Blind Forest to Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown, I revel in the opportunity to explore a sprawling yet intricately designed map. There are very few moments in gaming that can rival the gratification of unlocking a power-up that opens up new doors, or finding a shortcut that makes exploration much easier. I actually quite enjoy backtracking, especially as you gain more abilities and skills, and appreciate any…